Saving a Marriage After an Affair: A Wife’s Story (part 4)

What follows is the fourth installment of a guest blogger’s series about recovering from infidelity. I appreciate Valerie’s honesty and openness as she discusses what it was like for her to learn of her husband’s affair and then much later to decide to work with him to attempt to heal their marriage. I hope Valerie’s Read More

Saving a Marriage After an Affair: A Wife’s Story (part 3)

(Welcome to the blog series dedicated to affair recovery. Guest blogger Valerie is generously sharing details with us about what her life was like after she discovered her husband’s infidelity. A big thank you to Valerie! This is the third installment in the series; feel free to read the previous two as well.) Is it Read More

Saving a Marriage after an Affair: A Wife’s Story (Part 2)

(I want to thank guest blogger Valerie for sharing her story about her husband’s infidelity and their affair-recovery journey toward healing. She doesn’t pull any punches as she describes the rawness  she felt after discovering his affair. To read her first article, click affair recovery journey.) Saving a Marriage after an Affair: A Wife’s Story Read More

One Wife’s Journey to Save Her Marriage After an Affair

In my role as psychologist and couples counselor, I work with many couples whose lives have been turned inside-out over an affair. Many of them want to heal from the wounds infidelity caused, and many of them do ultimately heal. Despite the fact that I have many years’ experience working with individuals who have been Read More

Affair-Recovery: Transitions to Healing

Change in a relationship is inevitable after an affair. There is the immediate crisis that follows the discovery or revelation, and that typically includes shock, disbelief, and emotional upheaval. Whether the discovery of the unfaithfulness comes after a period of suspicion that something was amiss, or whether it seems to come from out of the Read More

A Husband’s Confession: The Emotional Affair Signs I Overlooked

In today’s blog post, a husband married for fifteen years discusses the dynamics of his emotional affair. It can be helpful to hear directly from someone who was emotionally unfaithful when you’re looking to affair-proof your own relationship. At the end of each of his comments, I share some thoughts [in brackets] to help give Read More

Understanding Infidelity: 3 Reasons Affairs Happen

There are different ways to understand infidelity and the conditions that lead someone to become affair-prone. In trying to make sense of why people cheat, you can use this information to strengthen your relationship or marriage, rather than assume you’re immune to the slippery slope of infidelity. The attitude “this can never happen to me” Read More

Relationship Help: Lessons Learned From An Affair

We can all learn from couples who have faced the betrayal of infidelity. To think that you or your partner (or your relationship) are immune to the toxins that can lead to an affair is shortsighted—too many loving and initially committed couples have fallen prey to infidelity. So rather than thumb your nose at those Read More

Sex After an Affair: Re-establishing Physical Intimacy

“I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sleep with him again. It’s just too painful.”  ~Cheryl (eight months after her husband’s affair) “When we have sex now it’s like I’m not even there…I go through the motions, but emotionally I’m somewhere else.” ~Leonard (one-and-a-half years after his wife’s affair) Re-establishing meaningful physical Read More

Affair Recovery: Sex After an Affair

The emotional fallout from an affair is extensive, and the healing process can be a long and bumpy road. Couples committed to this healing journey should be mindful of what’s ahead for them as they try to rebuild their relationship. One of the most sensitive and painfully triggering issues for post-affair couples occurs when they Read More

Relationship Help: Understanding the Healing Process after a Marital Crisis

Todd is frustrated with his wife Erin’s “doom and gloom” attitude about their marital future and with the emotional distance he feels she’s created between them. He says, “I recently messed up big time. I’ve acknowledged that and I’m really trying to make things better, but nothing seems to work. She’s gotta cut me some Read More

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage (Part III—When an Affair Is Emotional)

Welcome to the third part of the affair-proofing your marriage series. Whenever you hear about someone having an affair or cheating (whether it’s someone you know personally, a politician or a celebrity), the affair is almost always sexual in nature—it wouldn’t be front-page news if Tiger Woods or Arnold Schwarzenegger were caught “having feelings” for Read More

Affair-Proofing Your Marriage (Part II—Why Men Cheat)

Welcome to the second post in the How to Affair-proof Your Marriage series. The first post on marital infidelity highlighted the five danger zones that can make a marriage/relationship vulnerable to an affair. The indiscretions of high-profile figures (David Letterman, John Edwards, and most recently, Arnold Schwarzenegger) raise awareness of the vulnerability that all couples Read More

Relationship Help: The Allure of an Emotional Affair

  As a marriage and couples counselor, I often witness the devastating fall out of infidelity—an affair rips apart our core assumptions about trust, love and the person we thought we knew better than anyone else. Frequently, an affair follows a particular pattern that Getting your basic emotional needs met (for validation, acceptance, praise, understanding, Read More

Online Affairs: Why You Are Vulnerable to Having an Online Affair

Without a doubt, the Internet has changed our world: it has put information at our fingertips, increased the speed and efficiency with which we work, and broadened our connections at large. But in any list of benefits, there are typically costs. Online emotional affairs are on the rise, even though the people accused of this Read More

Affair Recovery: A Message to All Men Who Have Cheated

(In this article I focus on men who have been unfaithful [because statics show that men are more likely to stray than women]. However, the points made are also relevant to women who have had an affair). The Fallout from an Affair Let’s start with the obvious: An affair is devastating and some couples never Read More