When Couples Fight: “Help! I Said Something I Can’t Take Back!”

We’ve all been in situations where we’ve had to bite our tongues, times when. we’ve felt justified in being angry—so much so that we surprise ourselves with the verbiage that pops into our heads. We want the other person to get an earful of our displeasure. Even through the haze of anger, though, we understand Read More

Your Day-to-Day Relationship: Sharing Chores

Most of us complete chores without thinking deeply about why we’re doing them. And they don’t necessarily pull for overthinking—even the word chore has a connotation of just-push-through-it mindlessness. When you’re out of clean clothes, you fill the washing machine. You don’t get philosophical about potential underlying reasons why you’re filling the washing machine! And Read More

Why Do Couples Fight? The Truth About Bickering

“You missed the exit.” “Did not.” “Did too.” “Do you want to drive?” “That’s not fair. You know I don’t have my prescription glasses with me.” “Like you would’ve done any better if you had.” “A chinchilla rabbit would’ve done better than you.” “Ha, ha.”
 “You missed the exit.” “Did not!” ~~~ Sound familiar? If Read More

The Power of Empathic Listening and Setting Boundaries in Marriage

The ability to be moved by another’s pain is one of the distinguishing features of our humanity. When we feel for a person, we are emotionally impacted by their particular struggle or circumstance. When this occurs, we may be more likely to react compassionately in some way (for instance, giving a loved one who is Read More

3 Tips on How to Communicate with Your Spouse

The words you use (and don’t use) continually shape your relationship. If you believe the above statement to be true, this has real implications for your marriage (and relationships in general). It means you have significant influence in your relationship, an influence that arises from the word choices you make while communicating with your spouse/partner. Read More

Steering the Tides of Your Relationship

Today you have a choice. Actually, you have many choices. We all face decision points throughout our day—many of these decisions will be made automatically, with little reflection about why we’re choosing “A” over “B” or “C.” Marriages and relationships involve an abundance of choices. It’s overwhelming to have to reflect on the hundreds of Read More

How to Communicate with Your Husband: A Wife’s Story

Have you ever thought about what it means to have an emotional attachment to your partner? When your marriage or relationship is strong, you enjoy the benefits of emotional connection without ever needing to define it or put it under a microscope. But when emotional intimacy is lacking, you need to find the words for Read More

Communication in Relationships: It’s the Little Encounters that Matter

Joanne wanted to talk about a major fight she had with Gill. It was a big argument that escalated into mutual hostility, hurt feelings and a threat of separation. By the time they entered my office, they looked beleaguered and ready for a truce. “We don’t fight fair,” Gill said sheepishly. “We end up saying Read More

The Power of Unacknowledged Relationship Problems

Benny left his wife after twelve years of marriage. It wasn’t an easy decision and, according to Benny, he knew at some level that something wasn’t right about midway through the marriage, but he “hung in there” because of his “commitment to make it work.” But unfortunately, this “commitment” was more lip-service than genuine effort, Read More

My Top Premarital Counseling Question

Questions have the power to open us up intellectually, emotionally, spirituality, and sexually. Whenever questions make us ponder something new or force us to examine ourselves at a deeper level, they lead us into unfamiliar terrain—a terrain that can include possibilities not previously imagined. In short, questions offer couples (in every stage of their relationship Read More