“Why Can’t I Forgive?” Barriers to Forgiveness in Intimate Relationships

Imagine this scenario: Your spouse/partner has wounded you in some way. S/he has now expressed what feels like genuine remorse to you. Maybe you’ve even said you accept the apology you were offered, but now you’re wondering whether that was just lip service, because you don’t feel forgiving at all. Quite the contrary. You feel Read More

Forgiving, Forgetting, and Letting Go: The Power of Forgiveness

You may have heard someone say, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” But have you ever stopped to consider what they’re actually saying? And if you’ve ever said the same thing, are you able to get in touch with your full meaning? Sometimes people think that forgiving means having your memory wiped clean of the Read More

Love and Forgiveness: The Pitfalls of Premature Forgiveness

It’s widely known that couples upset and anger each other; often unintentionally, but in our worst moments, we may sling a few deliberate barbs out of exasperation. Part of this mutual wounding arises from the foundation ofemotional vulnerability that intimate relationships are built upon. When you’re vulnerable with another, a deeper level of emotional intimacy Read More

Marriage Help: Do You Accept Or Tolerate Your Partner?

There’s a lot said about the importance of acceptance in marriage and, of course, mutual acceptance is important to a healthy marriage or relationship. But too often, when couples talk about acceptance, what they are really talking about is tolerating something about their spouse or partner. As a workshop participant once shared, “Honestly, I don’t Read More

Relationship Help Essentials: Understanding and Forgiveness

Every marriage or relationship includes two people with emotional baggage, people who will reveal the deepest, most vulnerable parts of themselves to each other… …and when two people with emotional baggage let down their guard and feel vulnerable and emotionally exposed, there is a greater likelihood that emotional wounding and misunderstandings will occur—despite our most Read More

Love and Forgiveness: The Power and Potential Pitfalls of An Apology

“Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past.” ~Tryon Edwards Couples make mistakes. It’s inevitable that you and your partner will upset, frustrate, and hurt one another from time to time—to expect otherwise is unrealistic and a setup for major disappointment. But the inevitability of your relationship mistakes Read More

Marriage and Forgiveness: The Role of Self-Forgiveness

Considering the challenges couples face in maintaining a loving, long-term relationship, isn’t it safe to assume that forgiveness and learning how to forgive are essential parts of all marriages/relationships? Forgiving your spouse/partner can only arise from your ability to forgive yourself. Let’s find out why. The Roots of Self-Forgiveness For a child, there is no Read More

Marriage Problems: When Forgiveness is lacking in Your Marriage

The following is a short excerpt from my ebook, Hurt by the One You Love: The Power of Forgiveness in Intimate Relationships.  As a psychologist and marriage/couples counselor I’ve seen over and over again how central the role of forgiveness is in creating a healthy relationship. The short passage below briefly examines what happens when Read More

Love and Forgiveness: The Role of Forgiveness in Your Marriage/Relationship

(The following post is an excerpt from my workbook, Hurt by the One You Love: The Power of Forgiveness in Intimate Relationships. The premise is that daily acts of forgiveness are vital for a healthy relationship and meaningful intimacy. Many of the couples who seek my relationship help and marriage advice are stuck because they Read More