Intimacy in Your Golden Years: Mindset Is Key

It’s an indisputable reality that our bodies change as we age, but when it comes to having a fulfilling intimate life in your marriage or relationship, you may be surprised to hear that your mindset is just as important as your physiology. The concept of “age-appropriate behavior” was originally used to track developmental progression in Read More

Does Sex in Marriage Have to Be Boring?

Committed, long-term relationships seem to get a bad rap whenever the discussion of sexual passion or great sex occurs. If you’re a couple who’s been together more than say, ten years or so, it’s generally assumed by those in newer relationships or marriages that your sex life is probably “fair” at best, interspersed with long Read More

Couples Communication: Sharing Your Sexual Needs

“We know the importance of good communication, but for whatever reason, we never talk about sex.” ~Daniel, married four years Most of the couples who come to see me for couples counseling realize, before they even walk into my office, that effective communication is an important part of a healthy marriage or relationship. They realize Read More

Sexual Desire In Long-Term Relationships

Are you able to fully express yourself sexually in your marriage/relationship?  As a couples therapist, I’ve heard many stories from couples involving conflicts over sex; conflicts resulting in the inhibition of sexual desire and expression. There are many factors that can impact sexual expressiveness—a passionless/sexless marriage or relationship can be the result of: An underlying Read More

Sexual Intimacy: 7 Tips for Greater Intimacy

Sexual/physical intimacy is one of the most powerful and connecting experiences for couples. And while some couples seem perfectly fine with little sexual connection, for others, the expression of love, pleasure and sensuality through sexual contact is central to a fulfilling marriage/relationship. The challenge for couples in long-term marriages/relationships is to find ways to nurture Read More

Intimacy In Marriage: Who Decides If and When Sex Happens?

There are many factors that impact a couple’s sexual life—factors that can facilitate meaningful love-making, as well as barriers to physical intimacy that can arise as a relationship matures. One thing seems certain: Over time, the heightened passion and physical intimacy that existed early on tapers off to a slow burn for many couples. And Read More

Relationship Help: Is Passion Overrated?

The following article is a companion to my recent article, Is Passion Possible in Long-Term Relationships? In my work as a psychologist and couples counselor, I’ve observed the tendency for some couples to think that their marriage or relationship should be a certain way, somehow other than it is: “We should communicate more”; “We should Read More

Sexual Passion: Is Passion Possible in Long-Term Relationships?

“We’re so comfortable with each other, and that’s great—I wouldn’t give that up for anything. But sometimes I wish there was a little more spark in our marriage, a little excitement. Do you know what I mean?”  ~ Marianne, married nineteen years “Our relationship was so intense, probably too intense, maybe that’s why it ended. Read More

Passionate Sex: Creating a Passionate Marriage

Passion in Marriage: Variety is the spice of life Why you should try something different with your spouse/partner. The exciting passion that is inherent to many new relationships usually becomes sidelined by the familiar and routine as the marriage/relationship ages. This is natural. If the sexual terrain of your relationship feels too predictable (and a Read More

Passionate Sex: Creating a Sexual Playground Together

Not all sex is alike… …There’s intimate sex, anonymous sex, gentle and sensitive sex, rough and aggressive sex, sex that expresses love, sex that’s purely physical, sex that is emotionally connecting, sex that is isolating, raw sex, spiritual sex, naughty sex, sterile sex, boring sex, passionate sex, spontaneous sex, planned sex, playful/experimental sex, routinized/scripted sex, Read More

Passion and Marriage: Keeping Sexual Desire Alive in Your Marriage

Many new marriages/relationships are naturally passionate: Yearning for one another when not together, frequent and intense love-making, communicating your feelings through touch and sex. But for many couples, the effortless passion of new love isn’t permanent:  over time the realities of domestic life rob relationships of the mystique that often fuels passion. Seeing one another Read More

Passion, Sex and Intimacy: The Selfless Lover Exercise

The following exercise is adapted from my workbook, How to Spice Up Your Relationship. The goal of this exercise is to deepen your experience of pleasure and sexual fulfillment. Remember, a passionate marriage/relationship takes thoughtfulness and planning. From Keep the Fires of Passion Burning… Reflect on the following question for a moment: Are you a Read More

Why a Passionate Marriage is a Choice

Today’s post is adapted from my workbook, How to Spice Up Your Relationship. Many of the couples who seek marriage/relationship help and counseling fall into sexual ruts—their once passionate marriage has turned into a sexless marriage/relationship. You might be surprised to find that many of the marriage/relationship problems around sex and passion arise from the Read More

Sexual Desire: Your Sexual-Self is Speaking, Are You Listening?

Sexual desire requires certain conditions in order to thrive. Think of your sexuality (and the desire to be sexual) as a potential rather than a constant or given. Barring any untreated medical issues, we all have the potential to be sexual—to become aroused, feel desirous and want to have sex. When this occurs, your “sexual-self” Read More

Sex in Marriage: The Gifts and Challenges of Physical Intimacy

The gifts of sex in marriage Sex and passion are powerful expressions of the love and desire couples feel for one another. Sex is rarely just a physical experience—there are often layers of deep emotional meaning that are stirred through the act of having sex. Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy are entwined, each creating a Read More

Sexless Marriage: Blocks to Sexual Intimacy

Physical intimacy is an important component in marriage and long-term relationships. The reasons why a passionate marriage might dwindle into a sexless marriage vary widely. The first step in keeping passion alive over the long haul is to understand the roadblocks to emotional and physical intimacy.   In addition to the natural reduction of sexual Read More