Emotional Intimacy: What Do You Need For Emotional Closeness?

Feeling connected to and safe with your spouse/partner is the hallmark of a healthy marriage/relationship. This emotional connection (sense of togetherness, of being kindred spirits) is what sustains a relationship, through the good times and the not-so-good times.

But this connection doesn’t occur in a vacuum. Emotional intimacy (emotional closeness) requires certain conditions in order to survive and grow. It’s important to be mindful of what makes you feel connected to your partner.

Here is a brief listing of what you might need and expect from your spouse/partner in order to feel emotionally close:

kindness (nothing invites us to share ourselves more than a compassionate, loving partner);
respect (to never belittle or shame one another);
attentiveness (the willingness to pay attention when you need him/her);
responsiveness (feeling that your partner will respond to what you’re needing);
empathy (a willingness to try to understand who you are and your perspective);
consistent patience (knowing that your partner will be there for you the next day and the one after that).

But it’s not all up to your partner! In fact, s/he can do all of the above (and even more), and emotional intimacy can still be lacking in your marriage/relationship. How can this be?

You need to be open to emotional intimacy—without this openness, an internal door will remain closed to what your spouse/partner is offering you.

What you might need from yourself (yes, emotional intimacy requires that you treat yourself a certain way):

self-acceptance (the ability to suspend self-judgment);
feeling worthy of love (without a sense of being worthy, a part of you will always remain shut off to the gifts of intimacy);
clarity about what you’re needing (if you don’t communicate your emotional needs, how will your partner know what you need?);
a willingness to take emotional risks and be vulnerable (being in love will always involve taking leaps of faith in order to meet the other person half-way);
the ability to trust your spouse/partner (pronounced cynicism and distrust will always create a wedge between you and your partner).

So if you feel that emotional intimacy and closeness is lacking in your marriage/relationship, go through this list to see what might be needed to create the optimal conditions for intimacy. And remember, intimacy is not only about your partner: the ability to be open and self-accepting is the crucial second-half of the intimacy equation.

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Emotional Intimacy: What Is Needed For Emotional Intimacy?