(The following is an excerpt from my popular workbook, Don’t Let Marriage Ruin Your Sex Life: Keep the Fires of Passion Burning).
Many of the couples who seek my relationship help and marriage advice complain of having a sexless marriage or passionless relationship. It is very painful to feel like your spouse/partner doesn’t desire you any longer.
While there are some lucky couples who seem to have a natural sexual chemistry that will last the life of their marriage/relationship, most others need to make a conscious effort to nurture this important part of their relationship.
What is one of the most important steps in creating a passionate marriage (or passion-filled relationship)?
The Decision to Prioritize Sex
I realize that this doesn’t sound very romantic but take my word for it, if most couples (especially couples who’ve been together for a while) wait around for spontaneous sex and passion to occur, they’re going to be waiting a painfully long time.
Both you and your partner/spouse need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of your relationship. It’s a big step to acknowledge that you’ve been overlooking passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities.
There is no shame in saying, “Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let’s agree to openly and honestly work on this together.”
A satisfying sex life is often one of the first casualties of a busy and over-extended lifestyle. This can only change when you and your partner make the decision to place sex back on the to-do list (even when desire is lacking!). If you and your partner skip the essential, mutual decision step, the likelihood increases exponentially that your relationship will continue to fall into a passion rut.
Passionate Marriage Action plan:
What is one thing you and your spouse/partner can do today toward making a commitment to prioritizing sex?
How will your partner know that you’ve made this commitment and that you plan to take it seriously?
If you’re interested in finding out more about increasing passion and intimacy in your relationship, check out my Passion, Sex and Intimacy Workbook.
And don’t forget to sign up for my Free Relationship Advice Newsletter!
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D.