Relationship Help: Preventing A Breakdown In Communication

Relationship Help Quick Tip

A breakdown in communication can occur for many reasons—reasons that may not always be apparent. One common (and overlooked) reason has to do with the long-arm of our childhood relationships.

There are no formal courses about how you should communicate with your spouse/partner. In fact, it’s likely that you are simply repeating the lessons learned from your childhood. This could be a good thing if your relationship mentors were interpersonally healthy; but you might also be unconsciously falling back on the relationship behaviors you witnessed in important others—even if these weren’t the best lessons to learn.

Relationship truism: Couples communicate in ways that are similar to how their parents/caregivers communicated. Repeating learned communication patterns from your childhood can be so automatic that you’re simply unaware that this is occurring.

Relationship Help Self-Reflection Action Step

What healthy and unhealthy communication patterns did you learn in your childhood?

When are you more likely to fall back on unhealthy communication patterns in your marriage/relationship?

What is one step you can take to become more fully conscious of repeating negative communication patterns?

What is one step you can take to add effective communication skills to your communication toolbox?

Give yourself ample time to reflect on these questions. If your spouse/partner is willing, ask him/her to answer these questions and share your responses with each other. This sharing can help deepen a mutual understanding and empathy for each other.