Relationship Help: Reconnect with Your Spouse’s Uniqueness

Relationship Help Quick Tip 

Successful couples are continuously re-familiarizing themselves with each others uniqueness.

Relationship Truism: As your marriage/relationship matures, it is easy to overlook all the things about each other that caused you to fall in love in the first place. At some point, couples start taking each other for granted—we’ve all been there and done that.

But now you have a decision to make:

Do you continue down the path of marital/relationship complacency and end up stuck in a relationship that feels lifeless? 


Do you take one small step each day to halt (and reverse) the relationship neglect that sinks so many couples?

Relationship Help Action Step:

Rather than continue down the road of oversight, reflect on the following questions to help re-attune your attention to your spouse’s/partner’s uniqueness:

  •  Think about all the ways in which your spouse/partner is unique. What does s/he possess as a person that you value?
  • Why were you initially drawn to him/her? What words did you use to describe him/her to friends and family when you were first dating?
  • What has your partner said or done in the last few weeks that exemplifies his/her specialness?
  • If you had to pick an object (animate or inanimate) or a color that captured your partner’s essence, what would it be? Why?
  • What unique qualities has your partner developed as your marriage/relationship has matured?
  • If you interviewed your spouse’s/partner’s family and friends, how would they describe your partner? What would they say is unique and special about her/him?

Answering these questions (and any others you can think of) will help you and your partner stay attuned to each other’s specialness. But remember, this isn’t a one time event. Come back to these questions (and reread your answers) again and again in order to nurture the loving bond that defines your union.

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Until next time,

Dr. Rich Nicastro

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